4 February 2006: Two of them came together...
19/20 April 2010: Two of them broke up...
4 years, 2 months and almost 3 weeks of relationship just gone... and to make matters worse, I was going to propose to her soon...
25 April 2010:
Decided I could not live on after learning of some things, which I will not elaborate. I just wanted the pain to go away. The pain in my heart. First, went to suffocate myself in a plastic bag. Couldn't as I panicked. Then tried to hang myself. Couldn't as it hurts too much. Then took 15 to 16 pills of piriton and a bottle of cough mixture to make myself more drowsy before I try again.
I tried again after the drowsy effect kicked in. But it failed again though for both methods, I managed to endure for a slightly longer time, which explains the pain in my throat (from hanging) ever since. Cursing, and crying at the same time, myself as a coward who wants to die but am afraid of pain, I then ingested another 50 pills which include paracetemol, synflex, antacid. They will not cause you to die BUT if untreated, will cause liver failure and will lead to death.
Somehow, she managed to persuade me to see the doc which I did. If you ask me, I will tell you I regret this decision because I had wanted to die for this pain to go away!!! If I can do it all over again, I will make sure I do not see the doctor. The psychiatrist saw me and told me the pain will be there but it needs time to go away. Everybody (including her) tells me time will heal the wounds but all of them don't know how much it hurts! The anti-depressant medication does not help and I have to get relaxant/sleeping pills just to sleep because all I can do is stare into space and let the tears flow.
我知道故事不會太曲折, 我總會遇見一個什麼人
陪我過沒有了她的人生, 成家立業之類的等等
她做了她覺得對的選擇, 我只好祝福她真的對了
愛不到我最想要愛的人, 誰還能要我怎樣呢
我愛的人, 不是我的愛人
她心裡每一寸, 都屬於另一個人
她真幸福, 幸福得真殘忍
讓我又愛又恨, 她的愛怎麼那麼深
我愛的人, 她已有了愛人
從她們的眼神, 說明了我不可能
每當聽見, 她或他說我們
就像聽見愛情, 永恆的嘲笑聲
每當聽見, 她或他說我們
就像聽見愛情, 永恆的嘲笑聲 --- 陈小春《我爱的人》
I really don't know what to do... Life is meaningless... And the pain... It just won't go away...
原来童话故事都是骗人的。。 青蛙终究还是青蛙。。无法变成王子。。
或许你会说那可不一定。。 我赞成。。
因为我知道我不是有些人。。我是那只注定要孤独的蛤蟆。。
永远扮好自己的角色。。 一个平凡无奇，不起眼的癞蛤蟆。。
Sorry, D.. My temper, bad habits and me not loving you enough had pushed you away from me... I am sorry... I wished I could have noticed it earlier but I'm just a stupid fool... Sorry... Sorry to waste 4 years of your youth... I wish you happiness and the next guy you meet will definitely be a much better guy for you and I know for sure that he will be the one that you should say "I do" and not me...
别哭，你要很幸福。。 微笑，让我看清楚。。
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